7 forbidden phrases for parents

7 forbidden phrases for parents

Many “educational” phrases for us, parents, fly out just automatically. We heard them from our parents, and now our children hear them from us. But many of these words are dangerous: they greatly reduce the child’s self-esteem and can even ruin his life. Let’s try to figure out what children are “programmed” for and what well-known parental words lead to.

Today we will not write about the fact that it is impossible to scare a child with doctors, injections, babaykami. I hope everyone already knows that such horror stories will not do a good job. In this article, we will talk about the psychological impact of phrases that parents often speak automatically, without thinking about the real power of the impact of these words.

This phrase may sound a little differently, for example, “Leave me alone!” or “I’m already tired of you!” No matter how this phrase sounds, it gradually moves the child away from mom (well, or dad – depending on who says it).

If you drive the child away from himself in this way, he will perceive it as: “There is no point in contacting mom, because she is always busy or tired.” And then, having matured, he most likely will not tell you about his problems or events that happened in their life.

What to do? Explain to your child exactly when you will have time to play, take a walk with him. Better to say, “I have one thing to finish, and you just draw for now. When I’m finished, we will go outside. ” Just be realistic: little ones won’t be able to entertain themselves for an hour.

2. “What are you …” (dirty, crybaby, bully, etc.)

We put labels on our children: “Why are you such a bully?”, “How can you be such a fool?” Sometimes children overhear what we say to others, for example: “She is shy,” “He is so lazy.” Young children believe in what they hear, even when it comes to themselves. So negative labels can become self-fulfilling prophecies.

There is no need to give a negative characterization of the child’s personality, talk about the child’s action. For example, instead of the phrase “You are such a bully! Why did you offend Masha? ” say: “Masha was very sad and painful when you took the bucket away from her. How can we comfort her? “

3. “Don’t cry, don’t be so small!”

Someone once thought that tears are a sign of weakness. Growing up with this attitude, we learn not to cry, but at the same time we become overgrown with mental problems. After all, without crying, we do not rid the body of the stress hormone that comes out with tears.

The standard reaction of parents to the crying of a child is aggression, threats, moralizing, intimidation, and ignorance. The extreme reaction (by the way, this is a real sign of parental weakness) is physical impact. But the desirable one is to understand the root of the cause of the tears and neutralize the situation.

4. “No computer, bye …”, “No cartoons, bye …”

Parents often say to their child: “You don’t need a computer until you eat porridge, you don’t do your homework.” The “you to me, I to you” tactics will never bear fruit. More precisely, it will bring, but not the ones you expect. Over time, ultimatum barter will turn against you: “Do you want me to do my homework? Let me go outside. “

Don’t teach your toddler to bargain. There are rules and the child must follow them. Get used to it. If the child is still small and does not want to put things in order in any way, think of, for example, the game “Who will be the first to clean up the toys.” So you and the baby will involve in the cleaning process, and teach him to clean things every evening, and avoid ultimatums.

5. “You see, you can’t do anything. Let me do it! “

The child fiddles with laces or tries to fasten a button, and it’s time to get out. Of course, it is easier to do everything for him, not paying attention to the angry childish “myself”. After this “caring help,” the impulses of self-reliance tend to dry up quickly.

“Give me better, you won’t succeed, you don’t know how, you don’t know, you don’t understand …” – all these phrases program the child in advance for failure, instill in him uncertainty. He feels stupid, awkward and therefore tries to take the initiative as little as possible, both at home and at school, and with friends.

6. “Everybody has children like children, but you …”

Think about how you feel if you are openly compared to someone. Chances are, you are filled with frustration, rejection, and even anger. And if an adult has difficulty accepting a comparison made not in his favor, then what can we say about a child whom parents compare with someone at every opportunity.

If you find it difficult to refrain from comparisons, then it is better to compare the child with yourself. For example: “Yesterday you did your homework much faster and the handwriting was much cleaner. Why didn’t you try now? ” Gradually teach your child the skills of introspection, teach him to analyze his mistakes, find the reasons for success and failure. Give him support always and in everything.

7. “Don’t get upset about the nonsense!”

Perhaps this is really nonsense – just think, the car was taken away or not given, the girlfriends called the dress stupid, the house of cubes crumbled. But this is nonsense for you, and for him – the whole world. Get into his position, cheer him up. Tell me, would you not be upset if you stole your car, for which you have been saving up for several years? It is unlikely that you would be delighted with such a surprise.

If the parents do not support the child, but call his problems nonsense, then over time he will not share his feelings and experiences with you. By showing disregard for the child’s “sorrows”, adults risk losing his trust.

Remember that there are no trifles for babies, and what we say by chance can have irreversible consequences. One careless phrase can inspire the kid with the idea that he will not succeed and he does everything wrong. It is very important that the child always finds support and understanding in the words of his parents.

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