How to quickly deal with a child’s tantrum

Everyone must have faced this problem: at first the child is capricious, moaning, and then breaks down into an uncontrollable roar that does not stop until the child gets tired. Fabiana Santos, mother of a five-year-old daughter, is no exception. She shared advicegiven to her by a child psychologist. And we have translated her advice for you.

“I have not studied every book on child psychology, I have not studied specifically how to avoid / stop / stop a child’s tantrum. But I had to learn. I want to share a “formula” that I myself recently learned about. It really works.

But first, I want to tell you a story. My daughter went to kindergarten and was very nervous about it. She said that she could not keep up with everyone. It all ended with the daughter falling into hysterics for the slightest reason, because of some meaningless trifle. On the recommendation of the school, we made an appointment with a child psychologist so that Alice could talk about how she felt. I was hoping this would help.

Among the many pieces of advice psychologist Sally Neuberger gave us was one that I thought was fantastic, even though it was very simple. I decided it was worth a try.

The psychologist explained to me that we need to make it clear to the children that their feelings matter, that you respect them. Whatever the reason for the breakdown, we need to help children think and understand what is happening to them. When we acknowledge that their experiences are real, and at the same time involve them in solving the problem, we can stop the tantrum.

It doesn’t matter for what reason the hysteria starts: the doll’s arm is broken, you have to go to bed, homework is too difficult, you don’t want to sing. Does not matter. At this moment, looking into the child’s eyes, you need to ask in a calm tone: “Is this a big problem, medium or small?”

Honest thoughts about what is happening around her act on my daughter simply magically. Every time I ask her this question, she answers honestly. And together we find a solution – based on her own ideas about where to look for it.

A small problem can be solved easily and easily. Average problems will also be solved, but not right now – she needs to understand that there are things that take time.

If the problem is serious – it is obvious that serious things from the child’s point of view cannot be ignored, even if they seem silly to us – you may need to talk a little longer to help her understand that sometimes not everything goes the way we want it.

I can give many examples where this question worked. For example, we were choosing clothes for school. My daughter is often worried about clothes, especially when it’s cold outside. She wanted to wear her favorite pants, but they were in the wash. She began to sulk and I asked, “Alice, is this a big, medium or small problem?” She looked at me shyly and said softly: “Little.” But we already knew that a small problem is easy to solve. “How do we solve this problem?” I asked. It is important to give her time to think. And she said, “Put on the other pants.” I added, “We have several pairs of pants to choose from.” She smiled and went to choose her pants. And I congratulated her on the fact that she solved her problem herself.

I don’t think there are any wonderful recipes for parenting. It seems to me that this is a real saga, a mission to introduce people into the world: go through all the obstacles, walk along the paths that sometimes lead us into ambush, have the patience to turn back and try a different path. But thanks to this method, a light appeared on my mother’s path. And I want to share it with you. I hope from the bottom of my heart that this method will work for you too. “