Ideal mom or neurotic

Motherhood is like a scientific discipline that must be mastered. Montessori, Makarenko, Komarovsky, theories of early and late development, systems of educational skills and feeding practices. Kindergarten, preparatory courses, first grade … Ballet, music, wushu and yoga. Cleaning, a five-course dinner, husband … The husband also needs to be loved and cherished according to female methods. So are there really wonderful women who can do all this at the same time?

Supermom is the kind of creature that everyone wants to be like, but which rarely has anyone seen live. It is some kind of semi-mythical, but it instills in any living human mother a bunch of complexes. For example, here’s what mothers share on the forums:

Olga, 28 years old, mother of two kids: “I am ashamed to admit, but before the birth of my children I considered myself a good mother. And now all these supermoms just annoy me! You look at all these photos on Instagram: combed, beautiful, with a child in her arms. And a five-course breakfast with blueberries laid out in the shape of a heart. And the signature: “My boys were happy!” And I … In pajamas. The tail of hair is on one side, on the T-shirt is semolina porridge, the elder does not eat an omelet, the husband ironing the shirt himself. And I still have to go to school … Hands drop, and I want to cry. “

Irina, 32 years old, mother of 9-year-old Nastya: “How tired I am of these mad mothers! Today at the meeting I was reprimanded for not bringing tangerines to the charity concert, for not preparing my daughter a cone craft, and for not paying much attention to the life of the class. Yes, I never went with them to the planetarium or circus. But I have a job. I feel disgusting. Am I a bad mother? How do they manage all this? And what, their children live better? “

And they often run into rebuke.

Ekaterina, 35 years old, mother of two daughters: “Stop whining! Do not have time to do anything, it’s your own fault! You have to think about your head. Calculate the day, work with children, and not throw them in kindergartens and schools with extended school hours. Why then gave birth? A normal mother will do everything for her children. And her husband is polished, and the children are talented. All of you are just lazy people! “

In the wake of these online battles, Woman’s Day has collected 6 major myths about supermothers. And I found out what was behind them.

Myth 1: She never gets tired.

Reality: mom gets tired. Sometimes up to trembling knees. After work, she just wants to crawl to bed. And we still need to feed everyone with dinner, do homework with the child. The child is capricious and does not want to study, copy from a draft, print the letter “U”. But this must be done. And the understanding comes that it is better to do homework with a calm mother. Pupils feel irritated and tired of the parent. This is the secret of the “tireless mother” – the emotions that weariness carries, the woman simply hides in order to quickly get even with household chores. And the thought of how she wants to collapse on her face into the pillow, all this time does not leave her head.

Myth 2: Supermom is always fit

Reality: when you have a bunch of things to do that cannot fit into a day, what do you do? That’s right, you are trying to organize your tasks. Prioritize, set up a daily routine. In solving maternal problems, this approach also helps. A wise mother does not refuse help, uses the achievements of modern technology (charge the multicooker in the evening so that she cooks porridge for breakfast, for example), thinks over the menu for a week and purchases products based on the list, puts the house in order according to a certain system (for example, dividing by cleaning zone days). And one day she realizes that she has a little time for fitness, swimming, yoga or dancing.

Myth 3: Supermoms remember everything.

Reality: no, she doesn’t have a rubber brain at all. From the outside, it looks like she is informed in all the details of what is happening in the life of her child: she knows when there were compositions on the theme “Winter” and “Who is in charge in the forest”, remembers everything to a single date, from the birthday of the class teacher to the day of the English Olympiad, etc. In fact, this mother keeps a diary. Or maybe more than one. The timetables of all classes are posted on the refrigerator. The phone is loaded with an information and reminder program. To a loud “alarm”.

Myth 4: Supermom has the gift of endless patience.

Reality: we are all human, we all have a different stock of patience – someone will explode in half a minute, someone needs to be brought to a boil for hours. But this does not mean that nothing can be done about it. Patience can be nurtured and put to use. For example, you can force a child to put away his toys in a room in different ways: each time with a shout, or even spanking, or have patience for a week and calmly and affectionately collect toys with the baby. Teaching a child certain rules is what gives mom such super-patience.

Myth 5: Supermoms have the perfect husband (mom, family, childhood, home)

Reality: we cannot change our childhood, but we can change our present. Girls who did not have good relationships in the family also become supermoms. And the deliberately glossy photos of “My Ideal Family” in social networks are not because my mother is bursting with the desire to share her happiness. Rather, because loved ones (the same husband) do not pay enough attention to the woman. Likes become for them support, which they do not receive in the family, and compliments from subscribers become recognition of merits and efforts that the husband and children do not appreciate.

Myth 6: Supermoms have perfect kids.

Reality: do you believe in ideal children? Yes, they can have medals, certificates and excellent grades, which speaks of the great efforts of the parents. But all children go through the same stages of growing up. Everyone has whims, disobedience and breakdowns. By the way, there is another extreme here, when mothers are trying to realize their unfulfilled dreams through a child. And the kid begins to earn absolutely unnecessary medals and certificates and goes to study to become a lawyer, although he always dreamed of becoming a designer.

So who is a super mom? And does it exist at all?

Recently, the point of the “good mom” norm has taken off into space, where no rocket has yet reached. Young mothers are seriously trying to find the standards: “How long time does it take to spend with a baby to be a good mother?”, “When can a mother return to work?” your intellectual potential? “

Remember: you do not need to devote your whole life to striving to become perfect. If you don’t want, of course, to be labeled “mad mother”, “Yazhmat”, “I’ll break it”. Motherhood does not fit into clear instructions, competent rules and job responsibilities – no matter how anyone tries to prescribe rules of behavior for mothers.

Scientists have long proved that fanaticism and motherhood are incompatible things. If a woman is madly striving to become a supermother, these are already signs of neurasthenia, dissatisfaction with personal life, loneliness. A negligent mother will sometimes benefit the child more than a super-mother with her efforts to be better than everyone, even through her children. These are two extremes that are best avoided – both.

Psychologists have said many times: “It is impossible to be an ideal mother. Just being good is enough. ” The golden mean is about us.

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