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The child did not pass the exam: what to do, advice from a psychologist
It turns out that children, having failed in exams, become wiser.
A friend of mine, a classmate, wanted to apply to an economist back in the “pre-hegeh” era, but she failed the university exams. There was no money for paid education, and she went to work. A year later, a friend realized that the profession of an economist was clearly not for her. She entered another specialty, and now she is a successful web designer.
“It’s so good that everything turned out like this,” my friend said more than once later. – Although I was so ashamed after school. You all did it, your parents put someone in for money, I’m the only one stupid loser …
It is even more difficult for today’s graduates. Earlier, before the Unified State Exam, even desperate failing students received certificates – the teacher’s assessment could be pulled by a three. Now, for failure in exams, schoolchildren are given only a certificate. How insulting and bitter a child must be when his peers at graduation receive crusts with certificates, and he is just a meaningless piece of paper.
At such a moment, he especially needs the support of his parents. Wday told about how to console a child who did not pass the exam child psychologist Larisa Surkova:
After failing the exam, many parents sin in everything against the school, teachers, and the child himself. Finding the guilty is a thankless task. There are always at least two, and sometimes three or more parties to blame.
The USE score depends on several factors. These are the parents, the child and the school. None of them can be thrown out in case of failure. Blaming someone is, of course, a defensive human response. But it is better to first analyze the situation, think about the reason for the failure.
It is important to remember: the exam is not the end of the world. Even if the child has not passed it, the world will not turn upside down. Perhaps this is even the best outcome. The child will have time to rethink the situation, think about the future, decide what he wants to do: get a job, maybe even go into the army. Remember yourself in his years, remember what a reassessment of values is after a while, and you will immediately understand that no catastrophe has happened.
Unfortunately, sometimes parents only make things worse. They begin to spread rot children for not passing the exam and even bring them to suicide.
In no case should you say phrases from the category: “You are no longer my son / daughter”, “I can never forgive you”, “If you do not pass the exam, don’t come home”, “You are the shame of our family”, “This a stigma for life. ” Don’t need these disasters!
Make future plans together
When comforting your child, speak sincerely about your feelings: “Yes, I am upset, upset. Yes, I expected a different result, but this is not the end, we will cope with it together. Let’s think about what plans you have for life, what you would like to do. Perhaps you will get a job, start more serious preparation for the exams. “
Don’t leave your child alone with a problem – make plans together on how to solve it.
Do I need to immediately enroll my child in preparatory courses or demand that he get a job? Much depends on the family’s plans. Someone plans a vacation or a trip in advance. What’s the point in canceling them? Why punish both yourself and your child?
But, of course, to say: “Take a rest for a year”, I think, is wrong. As I said, there are three guilty parties to the failure on the exam, and each of them must take on some responsibility. Parents need to reconsider the situation, the child needs to put more effort into preparation.
Some parents take the child under strict control: they did not overlook it at school, but now we will not give up. Do you need it? Controversial issue. More often than not, children do not take the exam not at all because there was no control over them.
The question is what result are you expecting. Do you want the child to become independent, to be able to make his own decisions. Failure to pass the exam, with the right approach from the parents and the child, changes a lot in his life. He begins to understand what independence is, seriously thinks about his life prospects, about what he can do without having an education, How long he will earn. However, he needs to articulate all these prospects correctly.