Women confess their maternal sins: real stories

I was going to give birth to the eldest son myself. It was very scary, but the doctors assured that everything would go well. There are no developmental pathologies, I am clinically healthy. No indication for COP.

Only in the hospital everything went wrong. Weak labor activity, almost a day of contractions. And as a result, an emergency caesarean. It was just a relief! And the restoration seemed to me such nonsense after what I had gone through then.

After six years, she became pregnant again. The doctor said that the scar is in perfect order, you can give birth on your own. She did not even have time to finish the phrase, I was already shouting: “No way!”

For the rest of the pregnancy, they looked at me like crazy in the consultation. They persuaded, explained, even intimidated. They say that the child will be ill, and in general I will then fall into depression. I myself will regret my decision, but it will be too late.

In the maternity hospital, they categorically refused me: they say, you will give birth yourself. Turned to another. And then in the third, commercial – I came there with a medical lawyer. I will not go into details, but in the end I achieved my goal. And I do not regret it at all. Instead of fear of contractions, calm preparation for the operation. I think for a child a not nervous mother is better than a woman in labor in an extreme degree of panic. And I’m ready to give birth to a third, and even a fourth. But not on your own.

By the way, my husband supported my decision. But many friends did not understand. There are those who have been condemned – these are now ex-girlfriends. Even my mother took my decision not immediately. The youngest’s first tooth came out a little later than that of the older one, he went a month later – “this is all because a cesarean, she would give birth herself, would not lag behind in development.” It’s amazing how she forgot at these moments that the elder was also not born himself.

Polina is my third child. The eldest daughter is in the 8th grade, the middle son goes to school in a year. We have a very tight schedule: circles, sections, training. I just don’t have time to be a “dairy farm”. Carrying a baby with you in a sling in order to feed it on time is simply stupid.

Yes, I could pump and leave a supply of milk at home for Paulie. But I already had a negative experience with the eldest. On her chest, she did not gain weight – the milk was transparent, almost water. And then the child was sprinkled with an allergic crust. I tried to increase the fat content of milk, I was on a strict diet – literally poured the child on everything. And our breastfeeding is over.

And also about the sensations: sorry, it was physically unpleasant for me. I endured for the sake of my daughter, everyone said: you need to feed, you need to try. She gnawed the pillow with her teeth during feedings, it was such a terrible sensation. And what a relief it was when we switched to the mixture.

With my son, I decided to try again, but it was enough for me for a week and a half. I even asked Polina in the hospital not to put it on my chest. You should have seen the reaction of those around you. There was a trainee in the delivery room who asked in a loud whisper: “Is she going to give her up?”

Now I find it funny because of that tactlessness. At that moment it was insulting. Why do people decide for me whether to breastfeed or not? I gave life to this child, I have the right to decide what is best for him and for me. Why did everyone consider it their duty to make me feel guilty?

So many things I didn’t listen to – both about the lack of an emotional connection with my daughter, and about the consumer society. Even if so (in fact, not) – it concerns only me and her. I do not argue that breastfeeding is important, necessary and a priority. But I am for free choice without the need to make excuses.

I am annoyed by this tendency: they say, you need to talk to children on an equal basis. No. They are children. I’m an adult. Dot. I said – they heard and obeyed. And if they did not hear and did not obey, I have the right to punish. Freedom of thought and love of freedom is great, but not at 6-7 years old. And I don’t need to advise me to read Zitser, Petranovskaya, Murashova or anyone else. I know what they are writing about. I just disagree with them.

I am a wicked mother. I can scream, I can defiantly throw food in the trash, I can take away the TV remote control and the joystick from the set-top box. I can scream because of my handwriting and unwillingness to do my homework. I can take offense and ignore. This does not mean that I do not love the child. For me, on the contrary, I love him so much that it pisses me off that he behaves worse than he really is.

I was brought up classically. No, they didn’t beat me, they didn’t even put me in the corner. Once my mother whipped a towel – it was just the edge of patience, I was spinning under her feet in the kitchen, and she almost turned a pot of boiling water over me (by the way, now they would blame her first of all – she did not look after the child at all). But I didn’t even try to argue with the words of my parents. Turn your nose up from lunch – free until dinner, mom doesn’t have time to cook 15 different dishes for you. Punished means punished. And not in a corner for three minutes, and then everyone pity you, but a month without a TV or something large-scale. And at the same time, I do not think that I was not loved.

What now? Bad behavior is considered childish expression, and arguing with parents is considered an expression of one’s opinion. Modern children are spoiled to the limit. They are “loved” in the worst sense of the word. A sort of navels of the earth. They do not know the word “you” and the word “no.” A child who yells on the way to kindergarten evokes more understanding than parents who strictly try to calm him down. All these videos on the Internet: “Mom grabbed the child by the hand and dragged him to the bus stop! A shame!” Sometimes it seems to me that in this video – me. And what else to do if you need to be at the doctor’s office in 20 minutes, and he has an urge to return home for a typewriter? All these sugary-sweet advice that has nothing to do with reality: “The child has the same rights as you.” Excuse me, do you want to say anything about his duties?

We are taught to respect children … and maybe children should be taught to respect adults?