The word is not a sparrow. Especially if it’s the parent word. After all, we have no idea which of the phrases thrown in our hearts will forever stuck in a child’s head. Therefore, it is better to stay away from some statements – just in case.
“I didn’t mean it at all” – it will be useless to explain that you were misunderstood. No one is obliged to look for subtext and hidden meaning in your words. If you say something out loud, be prepared for the children to take it all at face value. So, as one once popular ad said, sometimes it’s better to chew.
And today we publish seven of the most harmful phrases that can only be uttered in front of children. Note – not even for children, but with them. It doesn’t matter to whom. But more often than not, such phrases are addressed to a spouse – or a spouse.
1. “You’re too sensitive”
Too for what? Or for whom? Who even determines where normal sensitivities end and too acute sensitivities begin?
“A statement like this devalues your spouse’s feelings. You seem to be declaring that they have no right to be upset, hurt, hurt, says psychologist Kimberly Hershenson. – Nobody can dictate to you how you should feel. These are your feelings, it’s up to you to decide. “
2. “I don’t care”
“If your spouse is interested in your opinion, the answer ‘I don’t care’ is at least impolite. You openly declare that you are not interested in what he mutters there, ”explains the psychologist.
There are more polite ways to say that you don’t care what happens for dinner, for example. “I am so tired and hungry that I am ready to eat even an empty plate.” “Everything you cook is delicious.” Only then don’t complain.
3. “I’m busy”
You seem to be together, but at the same time, you are insanely lonely. Phrases like “I’m busy” just make you feel useless. If you are really busy with something important, this is understandable. But if you just flip through the Facebook feed on your phone or read your mail, then you can be distracted for a couple of seconds.
“Phrases like this signal to children that they are not important enough to you to take your mind off your business,” Kimberly says.
4. “I need to go on a diet, I look terrible.”
“Self-derogatory remarks can affect your children’s self-esteem,” says Dr. Fran Walvis, a psychotherapist. “If your child sees you step on the scale every day and lament that you are fat, he may have an unhealthy idea of how he should look and how to treat his body.” Remember, whatever you say can become a behavior pattern for the child. Anorexia, bulimia, other eating disorders and addictions – you don’t want to “reward” your child with all these joys, do you?
5. “I told you! ..”
This phrase has never made anyone prettier. Once again remind a friend, spouse, relative that you were right, and he was wrong – why? The main meaning that children read in such a message is that the main thing is to be right, and not to achieve a common goal. And also – that you do not need to defend your opinion, suddenly it is wrong, and he will be poked at his mistake for the rest of his life.
6. “Look what you’ve done”
The most unconstructive comment in the world. Yes, you shame the interlocutor, arouse guilt in him. Make you feel antipathy, maybe. “Instead of derogatory remarks, it is better to think together how to correct the mistake so that everyone is happy,” the psychologist advises. “Mistakes and mistakes should be taken as a chance to learn something, and not be seen as a failure.”
7. “You don’t do anything for the family.”
A very common reproach that can be heard from both husband and wife. Women reproach spouses for not helping around the house. Men argue that the wife is a bum, because she is on maternity leave or simply earns less. Both are bad practice. It would be nice for men to learn that household chores take no less energy than shifting pieces of paper in the office, and sitting with children is generally not a task for the faint of heart. And if the husband provides for the family, it would be nice to be able to be grateful for it.