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how to learn to defend your borders
To feel safe, you need to know how to set and protect personal boundaries. This is also important for young mothers: complete dissolution in a child threatens with a breakdown and neuroses.
January 8 2019
“When a child appears, a woman allocates a place for him in her personal space, organizing it as it is convenient for her,” comments child psychologist, psychotherapist Anna Smirnova. – He grows up and begins to actively explore the world. It is very important that the mother sets boundaries and calmly but confidently takes her phone, watch – everything that is dear to her and that the baby can break, figuring out how it works. Do not be afraid to set restrictions, for the child this is a sign that you can take care of your own and his safety. Otherwise, if you do not protect your territory, you cannot avoid emotional breakdowns and nervous exhaustion.
A child needs personal boundaries just as much as a mother does. In the first year and a half of life, he needs to almost completely merge with her in order to form a sense of security. Then the symbiosis will only hinder development. If a woman dissolves in the needs of the baby, does not allow to show independence, when he gets older, the child will grow up capricious, infantile and will not learn to make decisions.
The baby requires a lot of attention, but you must not forget about yourself. It is important to eat and sleep normally so that strength is restored – children under three years old sensitively read the emotional and physical state of their mother.
Learn to value your personal space yourself and make it clear to others that it should not be violated. Protect things that are of value to you, it is better to keep the same cosmetics in an inaccessible place. Did you find your daughter after all? Do not scold or punish, just take away with the words “It is impossible, this is mine.” In fact, the child does not so much need to be given a “toy” as to touch it – he explores the world by touch. By the way, many parents voice the prohibition and wait for the child to return the item himself. However, with children under five years old, you need to back up words with actions. Climbed a dangerous hill? Don’t shout, “Get off.” Come, remove the baby and say: “You can’t.”
Set an example and do not violate other people’s personal boundaries, including the child. It is very important that he has his own space: a crib, a box of toys, a shelf for clothes. Then the baby will feel safe and will not invade your territory.
Five ways to keep your child busy and free up 10-15 minutes for yourself
1. Play with your baby briefly if he asks. Let him choose the game himself. Do not dictate rules, do not point out mistakes, and then, having received attention from you, feeling love, he will be able to practice on his own for some time.
2. If you have an urgent business, do it together. Need to make an important call? Give your child a toy phone. Children willingly imitate adults.
3. Ask for help with cleaning, such as mopping the floor or spreading things out. The child will be happy to receive a real task from you, moreover, this is how self-reliance skills are developed. Be sure to thank.
4. Arrange a bath if your son or daughter likes to sit in the tub. No – offer to wash toy dishes or dolls in it. You can add some foam to make it more fun.
5. Put the audiobook. As a rule, children are easily distracted by them. In addition, recordings train hearing, develop memory and imagination.